I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
