Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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