it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
