Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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