come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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