I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
