do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
