Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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