i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
