wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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