Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
