Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
