I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
