she was so not down for the gang bang
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
