Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
