on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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