I looked at my own cervix.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
