Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
