im about as happy as oj after his trial
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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