So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
