i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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