We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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