Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
