Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
