Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
