12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
