Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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