God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
