Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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