Whod you bang
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
