I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
