Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Still dying that you shit outside
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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