You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
