They should really pass out barf bags in church
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
