Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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