one two three fourrrrnication!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
