Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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