youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
