the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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