Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
