i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
