Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
