I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
