She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
