You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize