at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
