So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
