my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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