The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
