what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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