You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
