I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
