when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my shit smells like andre
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Randomize
