Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I look better un-naked...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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