everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
