but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
