First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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