so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
