My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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