when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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