Just cropdusted the office
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
