im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
