So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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