I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
