just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
