I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
