I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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