I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize