He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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