So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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