HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
