Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
