So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
