you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
