Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
