so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
