You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
