im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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