omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
