chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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