it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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