Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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