I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
