yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
