I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
