I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
