I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize