When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
