No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
