We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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