no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
