Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
