If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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