hotel room ftw
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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