I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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